Produced by ZillaMunch
Philadelphia, PA - Grilled Cheese was finally inducted into the Sandwich Hall of Fame today. The iconic sandwich had been inexplicably left out for decades. The rumored reasons for the exclusion range from an ongoing feud between the bread and cheese industries to infighting between cheese mongers about cheddar vs Velveeta supremacy.
Now in its twentieth year, an estimated 25,000 sandwich aficionados from across the globe descended upon Philadelphia for the annual event. Cheesesteak cosplayers, "Hot Dog are Sandwiches Too" activists, and grilled cheese fans had the largest turn out. The food fetish costume market draws some of the most colorful crowds outside of Comic Con. The tickets to the event are some of the most coveted to get.
The loudest reception of the evening occurred when grilled cheese legend, Sir Queso, received the distinguished award. "About fucking time," he sneered as he snatched the faux golden sandwich trophy from the presenter. He continued, "The amount of disrespect towards the most iconic sandwich in Merican' history is traitorous! Who the hell is Croque Monsieur?! And who did he pay off to get into the hallowed hall of sandwich fame? Bologna is pure b-a-l-o-n-e-y! And don't get me started on falafel aka #FalaFAIL with those dry chickpea balls drowning in tasteless white sauce."
According to Sir Queso, simplicity is the key to a perfect grilled cheese sandwich. White bread (grudgingly wheat if you're trying to be healthy), heaping amounts of cheddar or American cheese, and generous amounts of butter. The pan should be screaming hot so that the butter crisps up the bread and the cheese melts into an ooey-gooey mess. Though tomato soup or salad are traditional sides, Sir Queso prefers to pair it with a bitter porter to balance the richness of cheese and butter.
Lucky audience members were treated to a post ceremony dinner of endless grilled cheese sandwiches with an assortment of toppings, a vodka luge in the shape of the iconic sandwich, and a cheese fountain with baguette slices for dipping. A local brewery supplied a specially formulated grilled cheese lager with notes of aged cheddar and toasted rye bread.
The induction of Grilled Cheese into the Sandwich Hall of Fame has temporarily quelled the public outrage over the decades long slight. However, ardent fanatics of the sandwich have vowed not to stop until Grilled Cheese day is a nationally observed holiday.