Produced by ZillaMunch
Every year should be the year of the taco. Let's celebrate the beginning of 2020 with these taco predictions. Everything from dating apps pairing taco enthusiasts together to taqueria takeovers across cities and towns. The trend for all things taco related has taken Americans by storm.
Pop open a bottle of cerveza and get the chips plus guacamole ready. According to esteemed taco psychic Tacodamus, here are the top ten predictions for tacos this year:
Lab Grown Steak is the New Carne Asada
In the quest for taco notoriety, a rogue startup will test its lab grown beef out on taco lovers at an underground pop-up dinner. The unsuspecting diners will be some of the first to taste the beefy concoction which was created via fetal bovine serum in a petri dish. Rave reviews of the carne asada tacos will force the secretive startup into the mainstream. A national debate of what constitutes meat will ensue.
Chipotle and Taco Bell CEO's Face Off in a Duel
A snarky tweet from Taco Bell's CEO about rival Chipotle's "shitty crapamole" will be the great social media fight of 2020. Chipotle's CEO will counter with "at least we use real meat." Proverbial shots fired and a tweetstorm of epic proportions will culminate in an old school duel. Skip the popcorn, get the chips and guac ready for this not to be missed bloody feud.
Taco Flavored IPA is The Most Requested Beer for Office Kegerators
Let's get this party started is not a phrase to be used in vain. Especially when it comes to choosing the perfect beer for kegerators. Taco flavored IPA will be the rage at offices across America. Notes of corn, cilantro, guajillo chilies, and a hint of lime will make this beer a hit for even the snobbiest of beer snobs. Carnitas and vegetarian versions will be available in some markets.
Trump Proposes To Build The Wall Between USA and Mexico with Avocados
Trump will have a bizarre dream about building the wall between USA and Mexico with avocados. The next day which will fall on Taco Tuesday, he will propose a bill to "build the damn wall with Californian avocados." Tacodamus had no predictions on whether or not the Mexican president, Andrés Manuel López Obrador will concede to pay for it.
World's First Church For Taco Devotees Opens
The world's first church for taco devotees will open in San Diego, CA. It will be called Holy Guacamole and will be nom-nominational. Sermons will be delivered in archaic tacology by resident preacher, El Pastor. Avocados and prime cuts of meats for tacos will be the only acceptable form of tithing.
Elon Musk and NASA Reveal Secret Spaceship Called USS Burrito Blaster
After years of guarded secrecy, Elon Musk and NASA will reveal a secret project they have been working on for the past five years – an environmentally friendly space ship called the USS Burrito Blaster which will be fueled by pinto beans. This alternative fuel will be more efficient which means the spacecraft will need less beans for the same amount of thrust power. The market for pinto beans will explode with this announcement.
Korea Surpasses Mexico As The Biggest Consumers Of Tacos
Nope. Not a misprint as Tacodamus foretells the small nation of South Korea (tacos aren't a thing in North Korea yet) as the biggest consumers of tacos on the planet. Korean-American chefs popularized the fusion taco combination which quickly became a national obsession. Bulgogi beef with kimchi and grilled tofu with Gochujang and pickled daikon will top the taco charts.
Queso and Frijoles Will Be The Most Popular Name for Babies This Fall
Move over Emma and Liam because those names are so 2019. Queso and Frijoles will be the most popular names for babies this year. Gender ambiguity and the cool factor of the names will be the main reasons given for their meteoric rise in popularity. Second place goes to LaTortilla which will be popular in southern and midwestern states. Crazed taco enthusiasts will name their bundles of joy with these names in hopes of receiving a lifetime supply of tacos at participating taquerias.
The USDA Replaces Food Pyramid With Tacos
The USDA will revise the decades long, balanced food pyramid with tacos. The new dietary guideline will recommend four to six daily servings from the tacos and/or taco ingredients, which include cheese, beans, corn tortillas, grilled veggies, and meats like carnitas or chicken. Also falling within the taco group, are side toppings, including pickled jalapenos, guacamole, and tomatillo salsa.
Scientist Clone a Tacocat
A clandestine group of scientists will reveal their tacocat creation to the world. Aptly named Tacocat, the oddly shaped feline will be the first to use new cloning methodologies which can alter the shape of animals. Tacocat's particular digestive system will be engineered to eat tacos with a unique blend of nutrients that help to maintain its shape.